Confused....

I have been trying to write something for sooo long..But just cant find the right words.The thing is that every time an important exam is near (like now..A month to go) I become an emotional Yo-yo.I get angry at the slightest provocation and sad or rather extremely sad when someone says the slightest thing...Its worse than PMS..(wonder what I'll be then)
I hate showing my true emotions.There are very few people who can claim to know me the best..And now the list has just grown shorter..I dont like feeling vulnerable.I hate feeling dependent..And yet right now..I do feel that for this one person...I dont know whether I'm getting dependent or not..But i "crave" for attention from that person..Maybe its a crush..Call by whatever name you want to, but i don't like feeling needy and clingy..I just cant explain that feeling..Its just tooooo complicated...Its like there is this wall around me , it always has been.I lowered it down for one person..Just one person and that person just walked out...I dont know why or what..He just did.So now the walls are up higher but are weak they have been broken down once before...This new person is somehow making a way through..I dont know whether the new person knows that they are doing this...but it is happening..Its scaring me..I know what i would have said to a friend in this situation , " Be a little vulnerable." Vulnerable to be hurt again? Vulnerable to be in that situation where I want to be alone..?? I cant believe I did this but once I actually avoided my friends MY FRIENDS..who have stood by me always.And for a person who didnt care.I dont want that to be repeated.I dont want my heart to be broken but yet I want that person to feel the way I do..

19 comments:

  pagla_ladka

6 February 2008 at 23:59

tough situation...one of those where u don't know what future has in store, but desperately want to know it.....or rather, trying to find a way by which u don't have to face it.....be a little vulnerable - as u said urself...but be prepared for it to backfire....don't let things go out of control completely...try n keep some cards to yourself...so that, when, if at all, things turn out to be nasty, u don't crumble.....

n yes.....friends, family....don't let anything...and by that i mean, ANYTHING come in way

  pagla_ladka

7 February 2008 at 00:00

ehh...by the last statement i mean, don't let anything come in between u n friends, family.......

  huzefa

7 February 2008 at 13:38

confused
confused
how did u chose dis amazing topic

  Nishu

7 February 2008 at 14:43

it is all complicated for me to comprehend .. i will be further confused if i will try to understand it by associating it with me ..

  Nishu

7 February 2008 at 15:12

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
  suren

8 February 2008 at 07:54

i guess i can understand it better :) cheer up :):)

  war$nake

8 February 2008 at 15:38

Hey i couldn't find your 'Just for you' post!

Btw my blog address has changed from
http://sankzblogz.blogspot.com
to
http://freakytheories.blogspot.com

Plz acknowledge this change.
-
War$nake.

  ANDROID!!!

8 February 2008 at 22:27

ya i no its tough...tell u wat dont change urself in this process...be as u r as of now!!!...and ballzzz to that guy if he dosent reciprocate!!

  ANDROID!!!

8 February 2008 at 22:27

ya i no its tough...tell u wat dont change urself in this process...be as u r as of now!!!...and ballzzz to that guy if he dosent reciprocate!!

  ANDROID!!!

8 February 2008 at 22:27

cheeerzzz up!!!

  Googlegold

10 February 2008 at 01:02

expressed your confusion well,without confusion(lol)

FYI,I have made this posting to my blog recently,pl take a look
Excerpts:
Do you reject your guilt, shame and embarrassment?
Fundamentally,no event or agent needs to trigger any shame

or any guilt in anyone...

  S Ramanathan

10 February 2008 at 11:18

well, am sorry and i pity u and the situation. but then u kno wat? i find it hilarious u take exams so seriously! chillax man!!.....exams cab go to hell! there are better things in life! ;)

about the guy...uh...ask him to buzz off, u ll get more of them soon!

chilllllax and have fun!:)

  jayant

10 February 2008 at 12:21

Hey Rashi... got busy so missed some of ur posts..nyz..

I think I do have an idea about your feeling.may be its one in which Love and hatred for a person coexist..they dont cancel out each other and driver you mad!!!
All I can say is.. go ahead,Valentine's round d corner so what better time?Its better to find out for yourself what the other person feels rather than to keep thinking about him day and night.I know its easier said than done but b'live me,its the best thing to do..

and yeah...funny that you count one month as "near" for ur exams.We engineering students are faced with 4 exams in 5 months so we've narrowd tht "near" definition down to 2-3 days..
keep writin...

  jayant

10 February 2008 at 12:22

and yeah,by no means am i suggesting that you leave your friends.I'm sure you can find out a middle way and your friends must be glad that you've found someone,or on your way to finding him..

  Sujata

10 February 2008 at 13:04

u know been through the same confusions and that's exactly what led to "heart has its reasons of which mind knows nothing"...u portrayed it exactly ;-)

  Pranay

11 February 2008 at 19:28

hmm... its strange na.. we all must hv gone thru that same feeling so many times, but each time it seems as if its a new complication to deal with...
well.. i think these r quite interesting snd exciting times.. so all the best..
and i loved the way u expressed urself.. that lowering of walls bit..

  Anonymous

12 February 2008 at 19:52

hmmmmm, as i read it i could so relate 2 wat am goin thru rash bgtym, totally agree wid u in ma case its worse of coz knwn him well enuff n wldnt wanna screw up , m jst 2 scared , so dun wanna make maself vunerable yt i da same tym i dun wanna let this jst slip away wat do i do well i dunno n belive me dat def i da hardest part isnt it???

  Dil Se

13 February 2008 at 23:03

Maybe that is love... difficult to understand... but always on the mind
btw...u have penned ur feelings really nicely

  Andy

5 March 2008 at 13:45

As u said....

b ueself. y should u b vulnerable? b strong face the situation. and i knw, goin by watever a lil i knw abt u... u can deal life better than anyone of ur age.

nothin to say much. all the best.