I believe

  • I believe that people keep promises or at least try their best to.
  • I believe that peace is not something you wish for,it's something you make, something you do, something you are,and something you give away.
  • I believe that in the end we only regret:the chances we didn't take,the relationships we were afraid to have,and the decisions we took too long to make.
  • I believe that when someone says, (Don't read this aloud) "Fairies don't exist." , a fairy dies.
  • I believe that writing a poem is like seeing shapes in a cloud;the person next you hardly ever knows what the hell you're talking about
  • I believe that everyone has a certain part of their life where they truly wish they could freeze time. And try to grasp what could have been
  • I believe that best friends are best friends because no matter how long it's been since you've talked to them,when you see them again,you can start right where you left off.
  • I believe that people are like crayons it's not the color they are.Its the pictures they make.
  • I believe that all is well that ends well.
  • I believe that rainy days are entirely necessary and not simply to provide water
  • I believe in love. It is however, not a fairy tale or ever perfect...and will not always have a happy ending, TRUE love between two people meant to find each other does exist
  • I believe in manners and chivalry.
  • I believe in Patriotism and our country.
  • I believe in letting at least one person in your life, know you inside out.
  • I believe in learning something new each and every day of our lives
  • I believe in treat others as you want to be treated.
  • I believe we are made up of what we believe and what we stand for in life.

These things I like to believe in. Maybe, believing in them makes me seem less mature than most but then again I believe in living life like a child. Innocent and sweet...

This post is due to loads of help from Meg (My source of most of gtalk status msgs) and Katherine Parks.

Last,

  • I believe that life is fair and you deserve to be here and YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.

The "love" saga continues

This is the part 2 of the post A love story . So people who wanted to comment and could not....You can do that now... *hint hint, Mr Preetam*







Its been 6 months now that we have separated. Why the hell cant I say divorced? Yes, HE and I have been divorced for 6 months now. The only way to get over all this pain was to work and work I did. Thats all I did for 6 months. I quit everything. My life , my friends , everything. My friends did call me the first 2 months, but then when I stopped calling them or making lame excuses to avoid them , they stopped. I didnt blame them!



Then one day, it was the children parents day. And I decided to go. They were after all MY kids.I saw him and I saw her. And then I saw them. My children were ecstatic to see me and meet me.He wasnt. He was infact furious. He came to me and asked me never to come there again. I didnt expect him to behave like this in front of MY KIDS.



But then, I guess it happened for the good. It was like I was woken up from a deep slumber. I saw that he had moved on. I neednt to get my life together first. Get all the pieces back again. Make my life MY life. As I drove home that night,I decided to make some serious changes to my life. I decided to meet up all my lost friends. Reconnect to all of them. Enjoy life and live in the moment.



I slept soundly that night like I hadnt in 6 months. I slept comfortably with myself. I got up early the next morning. Fresh and full of hope. I sat there at the kitchen table and made myself a cute little list. I love lists :) Yeah I drew a smiley on that too. Life was full of sunshine...



I got my phone number. I dialed the number of a friend..TRING TRING ... That went on.....On and on!! Well it was the weekend..Maybe they were asleep! So, I tried another friend.. and another..But the phone would just ring!

Well if you knew me, you would know I think and analyse a LOT! And so I set thinking. Just generally but then I decided to stop and get going. I realised I was out of orange juice and many other things at home. I thought I should go to the mall . Dressed I did and went. I shopped and felt really nice. Retail therapy , you see!!! As I was walking to the parking lot, I suddenly saw HER and for a change not with him but with MY friends.

I was surprised but then I didnt want them to see me... As I spent the entire day thinking, I realised that they werent truly my friends. They were either his colleagues or the wives of his friends. I had let my life revolve around a single person. I had let his choices become my choices. The more I thought , the more I realised how much I had given up. I had lost myself. When I divorced my husband, I hadnt only lost my family, I lost myself, my so-called friends , I had lost my life.

I know what you are thinking. If they ditched you in your darkest time, they werent your friends. I knew that. But the problem wasnt just that. The thing was I felt lonely. A thing I had never felt before. It was like I didnt know who I was! I was angry at fate for letting this happen, I was angry at her for just existing and most of all I was angry at myself for loving HIM , for letting him become just an important part of my life!! I was just angry!!

My sensible side said to me that there were probably people there who still cared for me. I didnt know who to hate and who not to. I didnt want to "not like" the wrong people. I didnt want to like the right people. I just didnt know what to do..Who to trust ? Who to confide in? Who to believe in?

Madness

Disclaimer : Dont expect to understand it!!! :)


Far away , yet so near

Unknown , yet so dear

How do I say how I feel?

How do I let you know?

Dont light hope

if you mean to leave

Will you be here for

3 days, 3 months or 3 years?

Forever is what I what, baby

Is forever what you can give?

Show me that happy endings are not just in books,

Show me the true meaning of true love,

See what you mean to me,

See how much I love you,

Stop thinking , start feeling

Listen to what your heart says,

Does it yearn for me?

Just like mine does for you!

Do you want to be mine?

Just like I want to be yours!

Are you afraid of the world?

Are you scared of what I'll say?

Let the world be, baby,

All I need is you!

Just say it to me,baby,

I want to be all yours!

Just yours, forever and ever

Do you want that too??

Change

As I stepped into the new environment,I felt a twang of nervousness I had long forgotten. It was ages since I had been in an alien environment and I wasnt prepared for it. I had hoped (against hope) that I wouldn't have to face this day.

As I stepped into the new environment, the events of the past few years came in front of my eyes. I remembered walking into a similar yet so different campus. I remembered all the amazing friends I made there. I remembered all the weird jokes made. All the lectures bunked while just playing truth or dare..Even though everyone knew everything about the other person. I remembered the way he would pull me back while he was playing "pseudo" poker with his friends just because he believed he lost every time I went away. I remembered all the times we had spent in the "library".

All those moments, precious moments flashed in front of my eyes. I thought of all those things I had taken for granted. The numerous economics lectures when I did nothing but talk to my friends about everything in the world. How the professor would complain about all the "talking members" and we would giggle. I remembered all the crazy and not so crazy times we have had. I thought of all the times when leaving for home from college would take 45 mins because I would keep meeting people in the short distance.

Zap! I came back to reality! Those days were over. I was about to venture into a new world which was unknown yet maybe a wonderful world. The unknown is always not the worse. Most of the time, we are so afraid of giving up what we have (just for the sake of security) that we are unable to see that what we may get in return maybe far more than what we have. Its so important to take some risks at times. And even you fail in this endeavour , you know that those who are true to you will always be there for you!! So let the risk act as a sieve , so that you know who your true friends are!!! :)

Silence!!!



" If A is success in life, then A=x+y+z. where x is work, y is play and z is keeping our mouth shut!, " read the status message of my my friend Preetam ( see I mentioned you on my blog!!!!)


X is present in my life most of the time...I'm not a complete lukkha as some people think

Y too is present

Z is completely ABSENT!!!!!


There are times innumerable where I wish I would keep quiet..I mean it..If you knew me you would know that I cant keep my mouth shut...


When I went to Blore for a trip for 4 days , I came back with no voice! Seriously thats how much I spoke..People were tired of my voice, my sound. This seriously has its consequences. People, random people, know so much about me and I feel so "exposed"... There is no exclusivity.



Sam Rayburn: No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.



Maybe thats true. I always liked people who were silent because they kept me guessing about what they were thinking or feeling. Somehow I valued their opinions more because they werent openly expressed. Liked something precious. Do others also do that? Dont they say, " Silence is golden"? Arent those your best friends to whom you didnt have to say a single word and yet they understood?



We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Theresa



Is it really true? Am I giving too much out ? Well maybe its time for a change!!

I love you

There you said it, albeit in jest but my heart did skip a beat. There you said it maybe just because it was April 1st but I felt maybe you meant it. Did you? Yeah I started thinking. There was conviction in what you said; maybe I just heard what I was dying to hear. But maybe just maybe you meant it when you said, “I love you.”

I know it has been really a short time we know each other but then it feels so special so nice so beautiful. I feel so comfortable around you like you get me. You understand me. Sometimes, I feel like you care the same way about me like I do about you. There is so much to say but no way how. I know no way. I have been hurt before and know you have been too. We joke about it. But we both know it how it feels to be hurt. That’s why I wonder if you are afraid it’s going to happen again. I wonder if love you are afraid to say so.

I wonder and wondering is all I do. I think too much, you say, now I agree. But in my defense, you think about me too. You have no idea what effect it has on me when you say you thought about me or that you dreamt about me. After those words, there is no need for anything else to be said. Irrespective of what goes wrong, those words always ring in my ears.

When I see your name flashing on my phone, I take no time in leaving everything I am doing to talk to you. Irrespective of what Im doing, your voice takes over me completely, making me forget the world I’m in. I hate that we can’t meet often. I hate that you have complete control over me.

I’m scared that when I say I love you, all you’ll say is Thank You !!!

Again fact or ficition???Im liking writing all this...Its FUN!!! But again from the heart as always :D