Comforting Nightmares…

Last night I had a dream. It was very scary in the beginning but then, it became comforting. I saw that there were blasts once again in the trains. The trains in which I was travelling. I was scared and petrified and there was blood all around. I was hurt too. I think I was down on the ground. My stomach was churning seeing all the blood around. That was the scary part. Suddenly, I heard my phone ring and your name flash on the screen. Now, this was the comforting part.
Will this have to happen for you to call me? I wonder.... I still have a chance in hell that one day, you'll call. Your pessimistic me turns optimistic. I hope!

PS: Even for selfish reasons, I don't wish that something that disastrous happens.. I hope never ever does any1 go through losing some1..


Ok. Dont expect me to be nice or to make sense. I had one of the worse days of my life. I'm late for my very first class. I hate making a bad 1st impression. I'm still at kurla at 6.10 when class starts at 6.15 at churchgate. Its impossible to reach there even though i'm in a fast train. Which i had to run to get. And in the process i bust my knee. Its throbbing. I'm scared to look at it. Its hurts that bad.

Sigh dadar approaching.

What do i tell my prof why am i late? Stupid auto driver somehow knew i was late hence decided he'll way outside the station and not near the ticket counter. Asshole.

What do i do? I'm sitting in the train venting out frustration on my mobile. Typing my woes away.

This is not all that is on my mind. I'm thinking what do you do if you are the best among a lot for a job but still not good enough? Do you take up the responsibility? Also if you are promoted from among yr peers. Do yr peers have the same respect for you like they do for yr boss? What changes?

Another totally unrelated thought is that arent friends supposed to make each other feel better? Is it a job? Does friendship come with a job description?

If you actually read this, you are crazy. But i love you.

Shit i'm late. Very very late. Will update with what happened in class. 6.20and at byculla = rashi majorly screwed..

Edit: Now it is 9.07 and I'm back. It was just the orientation..Phew! SO nothing major happened. Btw, I super excited about my class. Tmrw, it is PR then it is Media planning, then Advertising Planning, Copy Writing, blah blah... I was sooooo excited on seeing the timetable. I met some1 I knew from Xaviers. I was expecting to know no1, so it came as a surprise. But then, we realised we were in 2 different classes.So that is that :( But anyway, it feels like an adventure. More updates coming back. Hopefully, I should not be late tomorrow.


I wish I could prove
that I truly am lucky.
Lucky just to know you
and more so to be yours.
I'm lucky that you held me
close to your heart.
I'm lucky that your care
even an ounce belongs to me.
I'm lucky that you think of me,
even more that you love me.
I'm lucky that I had my fingers
entangled in yours, more than once.
I'm lucky that it was me, you
didn't wanna let go.
I'm lucky that it hurts you
to let me go.
Why o why, is my luck, then
fading away?

Broken Glass

I feel I just cant write anymore. So I'm posting something I wrote a really long time ago! :)

My heart may be broken,
Shattered and in pieces.
Your concern to join them
Until the pain ceases
Has me in tears full of joy
For once again, I found
Someone I can trust, love
who wont let threads unwound.

The threads of friendship
Are stronger than of love.
A kiss on the lip
or holding hands
Mean nothing if
my heart continues to chip.
You give me reason
to celebrate life
with every of its season.

Thank you, friend
For finding those petals dry
Thank you, friend
For giving me the shoulder to cry.
Than you , friend
For catching every tear,
For making it better.
For banishing every fear.

Broken glass may not be beautiful again,
But when I have a friend like you
Nothing feels like pain.
My broken heart may not be the same,
You have a special place in there,
It has been better since you came.
It will love, it will mend
Because I have you as my friend.

Inspired by what Shweta wrote here

I want...yes, I want!

Tired of saying that I'm selfless,
I want it all.
I want the stars in your eyes,
I want that smile to be for me.
I want the day to go by,
The seasons to fly,
I want years to roll,
With your hand in mine.
I want your eyes on mine,
I want your lips on mine,
I want to be lost,
Lost in you.
I want you to make me forget
All care, apprehensions.
And remember just you,
Just us.
I want you to make me
Believe in fairy tales once again.
I want you to shut me up
Each time I regress in my ways.
I want to be the reason you
Think life is beautiful.
I want to be the crazy girl
You'll talk to our kids about.
I want to not be selfless anymore.
I want you to make me selfishly
be in love with you.

Ps: Yes, I'm a "rich" girl who knows just how to say I want!

Rebel and the muse

"Stars, I want,

The moon, I want.
Rebel, I am,
The unthinkable, I want."

"For you, stars, I want,
For you, the moon I want.
By you, I shall stand
But the unthinkable, I am not.
Rebel you are, simple I am.
Challenge to you, I pose not.
Hence it is me that you want not. "

Make a difference

MAD they told me, I was
Attempting  the impossible, the unachievable,
Kind were those who didn't laugh
Even crazier who joined me in my quest.
Attainable seemed the goal, with company
Destiny became changeable and malleable
I became we, the doers
First came obstacles, then success
Frustrations and smiles too.
Emerging like a phoenix were a million dreams
Resurrecting hope and wishes
Eliminating despair and pain.
Never is a dream crazy, always MAD
Cease to dream is to cease living
Every dream is possible in the eyes of a believer.

This is an acrostic about one of my favourite things, Make A Difference. I love being a part of something so amazing. Click on MAD above to know more about it! :)

Though it doesnt even begin to completely describe what MAD is all about, it is what MAD means to me!  Dreams of doing something, dreams of changing the world, dreams of becoming a better person! 

Her perfect day!

It was 1.40 am and she smiled as she herself into her cosy blanket. When she slept last night, she couldn't have imagined how perfect her today was. 

When she slept last it was with a heavy heart and her silent phone kept aside. He wouldnt call today. He was going away on a business trip and wouldnt be disturbing her for quite some time. Disturbing her? Sigh! She woke up with a jolt in the morning. Maybe a dream but she didnt remember it. She check her phone for the time. 6 miss calls and 2 messages? Work maybe. Nonetheless she checked. It was him. 

The 1st message read, " Woah! The airhotesses are hot." 
The 2nd said," I'm getting bored here and you arent even picking up my calls. :("

She jumped off her bed and called him. Damn the damn signal. Couldnt hear him properly. A series of msges followed. All day long. Something or other happened and he would either call or msg. He didnt do that when he was in town but who's complaining, eh?

Soon, it was time for a very important meeting. Her first presentation at her new work place. She had never done anything like that. But somehow she was relaxed. She was still the nervous wreck that she always was but calm and smiling. She did amazingly well in what she has sought out to do. She came out all smiles and gave him a call.

"I did it," She screamt into the phone. He just laughed and said, " Congratulations, darling." 
"Ok. Lemme call office and tell them we got it. Bye see you. Take care."

She came back home. Happy and relaxed. She heated the dinner and sat to check her email. And saw him online. If this were a cartoon, her eyes would have popped out at the computer screen. They chatted for quite some time. In a while, he said she had put him in a better mood than when they started talking. 

She sat back reflecting the day, when her brother came running into the room screaming that it rained. The first monsoon showers. Today couldnt get any more perfect she thought. Touch wood.

As she took the blanket over her head, she didn't wanna sleep fearing this might not be there when she wakes up! 

Oh please dont wake me!
The dream is oh so pretty.
I know I'll have to wake
Someday, sometime.
But not today,
Let me sleep a lil while longer
Oh please dont wake me.
The dream is oh so pretty.
Just you and me 
And not a care in the world,
Love all around
No distances,
None between us.
All dreams true
Some more to go.
Oh please don't wake me
The dream is oh so pretty!

Gnite world. Have a happy day! Yes, for the first time in my life, I have actually blogged twice in 24 hrs :)

Oh this is also a post with most number of tags... I think I'm high now! Hope I never come down! :D

Smile Please

Is there one smile in the world that means the world to you? I would to do anything to see a smile on the faces of certain people in my life. They are few, they are true. 

Today, I think I managed to bring a smile to the face of one such important person. Just a message that said you helped me sleep peacefully today made feel, well I cant even describe what I feel! Top of the world seems like an understatement too.

Keep that smile on, darling. Forever and ever :)

I have been singing Pal pal teri yaad sataye o Piya, all thanks to Prats all evening now! Now that too brings a smile! Sigh! (the happy one)

Rashi the ranter!

Sometimes I wonder, if when you love someone can it truly be a complete waste. Is there anyone in this world who doesn't deserve your love? Can we love people who cheat us, who beat us, who even abuse us? If we can't stop loving them, what do we do?

What happens when love instead of making you a better person, makes you a worse person? Starts causing pain? 

I agree that love isn't ideal always. There is definitely a break-point, isn't there? My naive self and my "experienced" self are in a constant feud. Sometimes, this one winning and sometimes the other one. 

Love, definitely isn't what I thought when I was 16. I know, probably, I will read this when I'm 25 or 30 and laugh at this stupid idea in my head. Or maybe I will be fighting the same battle. That actually sparks off another thought in my head. One of self-discovery. 

One problem most teens can identify is that of "finding themselves". Who am I? What is my personality? But do these questions really end with teenage? I doubt. I have given trying to figure out who I'm. All I know is that I'm complex and sometimes, unpredictable. 

Phew! Now, that I have ranted it all out, I feel better :D

Not all promises are meant to be broken

It was 5.30 pm. The doctor's anesthesia was just beginning to work and I was starting to lose control over my thoughts. The past came back to me. I remembered telling him that when I would be in the hospital, I would want no flowers or no Get-well-soon cards. I would want books, loads of them, so that I wouldnt get bored. If he could slip my laptop in with a net connection, that would be the most wonderful thing.

I remembered him telling me first to shut up and then promising me that he would be there with me throughout. He would be there if and when I was in the hospital. He promised he would read the newspaper out to me and would bring me home cooked food because hospital food can suck.

As I closed my eyes, I thought to myself promises are meant to be broken. 

It was 4pm, when I opened my eyes. My room was filled with white lilies , my favourite. The trance was over. The hurt was over too. I looked to see an empty room. I sighed. I saw the door of the room open. I saw my present come in with the doctor. I saw the concerned look on his face. He looked tired. I saw his face light up when he saw me. I could sense that he wanted to hug me. But then, he let the doctor examine me. I saw that his face never felt mine. 

When the doctor was done telling me what a scare I had given all, I looked around and saw that he wasnt around. I tried to sit up but couldn't. I felt dread. I looked at the slight noise that came from the door. I saw him struggling with a large heap of books. I couldn't help but laugh.

He kept the myriad of books down and I couldn't help but laugh when I saw that sheepish grin on his face. 

I felt awake and thought to myself ... 

Not all promises are meant to be broken!!!

Reborn- 100th post

Today, I post my 100th post on my blog. While I do post it, it hasn't been written by me. I seldom complete stories and most of these stories are my real life with loads of Mirch-Masala.

I fought with really close friend of mine, I told him that I would never speak to him again. Obviously within 2 mins, I regretted it and hence this story was born.

This story is a continuation to that.

I hate sharing space but I had no qualms sharing it with, I guess one of my best(est) friends, Nik. Though I could get hurt for saying this, "Thanks a lot, Sloth Bear" :P

The yellowness of the lamp light imbibed in him as he struggled with his pen. It was not different today. As usual, it was 6.30pm and he was at his desk, logging down the completed jobs. And some anticipated objectives to be fulfilled tomorrow at the drill site. The intangible yet tart aroma of the whisky travelling inside every nerve and artery of his well built body, with every sip, acted as a pretty strong infuser; infusing him with his own soul. This never used to happen during his extremely engaged daily schedule. But it happened every evening. Amongst the fluttering pages of his logbook, the peg of the familiar whisky and the surrounding darkness, the shuttering window panes, it was a daily practice to carry out this "Infusion". The "Infusion" was the means of gathering himself every evening, gathering his own deteriorated self, collecting his pieces and building a new “him” for the next battle, the next dawn.

“Saheb, the dinner is ready.”

A very familiar rippled voice broke the numbness in him which lasted for 3 unnoticeable hours.

“Hanji kaka, abhi aaya, just two minutes.”

Rising from his wooden chair, he walked towards the door of his study, in his typical upfront manner, and shut it behind him. Entering the hallway, flanked with bright luminescence, he could see his life. He could see the status he had. He could see the respect tagged with his persona. He could see what being the GM Drilling Services at 31 meant. He could also see the way he is on, but still lost; where he has reached, but not a destination. Stepping in the dining hall, making himself comfortable on the chair and with the food, he wished again. Like daily. That it would have been so much of a blessing, if she could see all this. If she could just be here. If she could find the real him.Find someone who got lost 10 years ago.

He fed himself as miniscule food as everytime, and went back to his study. With the same inexpressiveness on him, his memory started serving him, perfectly.

He had developed this inexpressiveness on his face in the last 10 years. Since they both grew apart. Since things changed and seemed never to return back to normal again. None of the two loved less. It was just the circumstances that played the evil. Staying unmarried and living alone was a majorly questionable affair, with his family evidently against the idea. Still in love with his family, which resided in a metro city, he conformed to a life of an unreal "him". With everything in place in his life, still there was not a thing that he could find. Love struck him long ago and he knew it was the true one. And when he lost it, 10 years ago, he knew the bruise would also last for a lifetime. And it turned out to be true. Amongst his “perfect” life, he didn’t have her. And that was nothing less than emptiness for him. An emptiness, that filled him daily to the core.

Every day started with a wish. That maybe they could have been together. Maybe he could have been someone he wanted to be. That maybe he could get rid of the identity crisis he faced every hour at work. That maybe he could just be with her. Wishes grew infinite every day. With every passing moment, he got reminded of something or the other they shared. The name of a state they had been together in, the name of a person they knew in common, the beguiling aroma of the perfume she wore...anything and everything that came across him made him reminiscence them. He wished for her voice to greet his ears every dawn. But integrally he knew, this is like wishing for the Gods to send an invite of heaven to him . That he used to hope against hope. And this very thought dragged him back to the unidentified life he was living every day.

Days passed. It had been almost a year since he was made the GM. Keeping himself busy in his work all throughout the day, attending the meetings, completing projects...nothing was different in his life compared to the usual life of a bigshot. But it was that day, that very special day, which had an unusual start. He woke up to find 3 missed calls. Ignoring them for the time being, he got up to get dressed. The phone again beeped with a message. Putting his tie around his neck he picked up the phone to check the message and started walking towards his Accord.

It said: “Bajaj here. 5pm at Mochas. And if u think even for a sec who “bajaj” is, ul get ur ass kicked. Everyone is arriving. Be there.”

Whoaa.!! What a start to the day!! It was quite a long time he did not meet his school friends. He really wanted to. But immediately he realised, “What about infusion? It will surely take more than 3 hours with them....and then....” He started driving. Left his apartment and forgot about the evening plan.

The day passed. As usual. And he arrived home early. Around 4.

The day had been special at work too...something was going on today. He managed to grab three contracts and the software also ran a successful first try!

“Something isn’t right today, or maybe things are too right!” He thought to himself while parking the car in the alley.

“Kaka, jaldi se ek cup chai bana do, mujhe kahin kaam se jaana hai.” And the swiftness with which he entered the house, with the same he got dressed and left.

Reaching mochas he met them all. They forced him to put his cellphone on busy. Again reminiscence. During his exams he used to put his phone on busy too. When she used to call, she used to get a busy tone which made her aware that he was studying. Jarring into the reality, he did as they said and went on to discuss old school days and have fun.

Time flew by like it never did. Things seemed to be pretty different today. And it was residing in his subconscious which he was interestingly avoiding. He knew something had to happen. He changed clothes, and checked his phone casually. Putting it on speaker on the bed, he moved towards his closet to arrange his clothes. In the typical jiffy he was known for.

“You have 3 voice mail messages. Press 1 to listen.”

He did.

1. “Akhil here. Where the hell is the file? Get it tomorrow or the extraction will need further confirmation from court you idiot!”

2. " Hi. It is me. I just wanted you to know that I missed you. No-one could ever replace you in my life. You are special. I missed you."

It felt like all the blood in his body has rushed to his head. He knew the voice. He so recognised it. All the emptiness was getting filled. He felt his stomach churning like a tornado. The air around suddenly went silent. His ears could not believe what he had just heard. It was her voice. The voice of his destination. He glared at the lit screen of the phone on the bed. Collecting every bit of consciousness, courage, strength, sanity left in him, combining all of them, he stood up nd took the phone in his hand and the speaker bellowed:

“Press 0 to listen again”

He did. And the feeling of having his life back was amazing. It felt as if everything in the world had stopped. Every emotion seemed unfamiliar. Every heartbeat felt new. He could finally see his identity shaping up. According to him the definition of “Unbelievable” had changed. This word was too insufficient to describe what had just happened. A sudden realisation of finding the meaning to his life struck him. Drowned in the unexpected happening of her return, he wished to die in the happiness that enlivened his soul.

He heard that voice after 10 years. 10 Years, in which he knew nothing about her. Where she had been, how she had been, what she had been doing. He fell on his back on the bed and heard the message infinite times. He wasn’t getting enough of it. How could he have. He could feel LOVE crawling under his own skin.

He knew something different was going to happen today. It was right there in his heart and mind since the moment he woke up in the morning. But of this magnitude, it was highly unpredictable.

His wait and patience won. Getting over, though with extreme vigour, of the shock, he dialled back the no.

It rang, and someone picked up.

And there was her voice,

“Hi. I knew you would call. I just want to say that I STILL LOVE YOU.”

He found himself. He reached his destination.

He was REBORN.....

Rear-view mirror

Today, as I got out of the building, I realised I needed to go to the ATM. I went to the ATM near my house but it refused to "dispense" any money. If I didn't have a broken hand, I would have punched it, but I had no choice but to go to the doctor's clinic and see if there was an ATM there.


Thankfully, the clinic is near the market area, so there were bound to be atleast an ATM. But no. All ATMs there were either out of order or ones which I couldn't use. I walked on. For a good 25 mins in the blazing sun. I finally found one in some corner on the road.


I walked back to the doctor’s clinic and got my reports. When I came out and walked back a little to the rick stand, I realised that there was an ATM 2 steps from the clinic.


Being in a philosophical mood, I began thinking. Maybe the thing we actually searching for is left back in the past. We just walk past it and then reach where we are supposed to and continue to search for what is missing. We go on and on. Looking forward. Ahead all the time. Struggling to read a little further for we expect that something to be around the next corner.


Just take a look behind. Maybe that’s why cars have a small rear-view mirror too.



These were the days when my first book had just come out. A reporter called to take my interview. He and I were so happy. While I hugged him, he whispered and said, " I wonder how many you will mention me. Just try not to make every answer about me." I looked at his face to see a smirk that I had fallen in love with. 

The day the interview was published, he woke up earlier to read it and immediately called me to say," You didnt even mention me once." The same pain in his voice like a small kid who had been refused candy. That evening, I sat with him and showed him how each answer had him somewhere. He just didn't know how to connect the dots. I told him that now, he was embedded it in my very cell. I would need to check into a rehab to get rid of him..

10 years later, I had everything. 5 best sellers and interviews after each launch. I had everything but him. I had suppressed all feelings I had about him and moved on.

Then, one day, I met him at a parking lot. I smiled to hide surprise, the pain and most of all the love. He smiled too. Came up to me and said, " I have been following your work, closely. I must say I'm proud to have known you. I'm running late, but do please call me." He turned around before I could say a word.

I ran home to see if there was even a glimpse of him in my work. I poured of my work of 10 yrs to see if I could see him anywhere. I resigned into my bed some hours later, given up. 

He was everywhere. Maybe I really did need rehab.