New Year.

It is my last post this year and yeah my 50th post too.  It was somewhere around this time last year that I decided to vent out my feelings to unknown  people who didn't know me but who would know my feelings. Now, a year later I reflect back to what has changed and what hasnt. A lot HAS changed and a lot still remains the same. I wonder whether 10 yrs down the line I will want to be in my shoes NOW just like I want to go back to 10 yrs back now.


If you'll ever meet your inner child, don't cry, no, no
Tell them everything is gonna be alright

(Bob Sinclair- Word Hold on)


This is what I want to say to myself as I get into this new year..  Its is going to be alright. Because I still am me. I will wait. I will let me be. I will cut myself some slack. I'm not perfect nor is anybody else. People make mistakes and so do I. I will trust even though the person in front chooses to break it because it is easier to mend that than to regret not trusting. Everything deserves one chance, most deserve two. I will give them that chance. Simply because I screw up too. I might get hurt and I might not want to go on but I will. Simply because I can. 



Happy New Year guys. I hope everyone gets a little more happiness than what they deserve.. Good Luck...




My rain

People sing you are my sunshine,

I say you are my rain.

The dry, patched earth waits

Just like I yearn for you.

The song-bird awaits

Just like I ache for you.

The monsoon arrives.

The earth rejoices,

The water from heaven

Freeing her from bonds unknown,

Takes her to a place

She has only dreamt of.

The song-bird sings

Of pleasures only she knows,

Her love is back

To fulfill every desire, her every wish.

The tree reborn,

Her life is new,

Nothing like she ever knew.

Nothing has changed.

Nothing is the same.

One day, I’m sure,

You’ll come too.

One day, I’m sure

I feel like them too.

One day, I’m sure,

You’ll be here to stay.

And like the rain,

You will not ever leave.

One day, I’m sure.



At the Lounge, we are having a story writing contest around the theme of rain.(For details,click here). So lately, my thoughts have centred aroung the theme of rain. The rain means so much for so many people which is very evident for the varied perspectives, I have read there. I too have written some stuff there for the contest and otherwise which you can read here

As about my this poem, I was in middle of a really boring chapter when I thought of this. I guess I should really start studying if it gives me inspiration for more poems :)

Uff this post has too many links to be given out. 

P.S cross posted at The Lounge


11 years ago

It has been 11 years since I last heard your voice. 11 years, since I thought I never would lose you. 11 years since it was over. I didnt get to see while we said out goodbyes. We never did say our goodbyes. Eyes soon stopped crying but heart still bleeds. A big part of me was lost today, 11 years ago. 

Your BabyGirl.

It has been 11 years since I last heard your voice. You broke not only my heart but you took away my soul. This day has always been the worst in the year. Now you gave me more reason to hope hopelessly that this day will not come the next year. Another part of me was lost today, 11 years ago.

Your Pixie.

Spirit of Mumbai should be broken

I hate the spirit of Mumbai. I had typed this statement the last time terror struck Mumbai and then, I couldn't find words to explain why. Now I do. I love Mumbai and I'm a hardcore Mumbaikar. But I hate the so called Spirit of Mumbai. It is what makes us get back on our feet everytime we are attacked (It's happening far too often now). I don't know when was the last time that the BSE and NSE declared 'No Trading'. So maybe this time, things will be different. Maybe the spirit of Mumbai will be broken. Don't get me wrong. I want Mumbai to get back on its feet. But not back to normal. I want Mumbai to fight back. I want Mumbai to give a stern reply to all this people. This time I don't want the reply to be 'Let's get back on our feet' No! I want it to be 'Let's give it back to them.' How? I have no idea. But for once, I don't want to lie down, I don't want be trapped in my house, I don't want my parents and friends to wonder if I will make it back home, I don't want to fear!!
Why this is hard-hitting this time rather than the other is because it is so close to home. Cafe Leopold is where I shared a lot of gossip, Colaba Causeway is where I go shopping ,CST station is where I go almost everyday, Metro cinema is where I saw sooo many movies and on this route, where a lot of shooting happened is my college. This is where I could have been, where my friends could have been. All the people who lost their lives were somebody's family, somebody's friends. They were people who had lives, who had dreams.As their dreams are crushed, let the spirit of Mumbai be crushed.
Lighting candles or changing your display pictures (I'm sorry guys but lets face it) isn't going to help. The government is going to see it nor are the future attackers. I'm not going to do anything like this because I don't want to get this burden off my conscience. I have done nothing. And I want it to pinch me till I do something. Does your conscience pinch you?

The nonsense about Spirit of Mumbai and Yeh to hota rahta hai>>> Both these articles are brilliant and what is funny is that they are still relevant even though they were written in July'06.

Edit : When asked what to do B Shantanu said this and I agree : What can we do?

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend...

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
- James Blunt

Sad I'm. Hurt I'm. But definitely you must feel the same. Hollow and soul-less. Directionless. Futureless. But definitely you must feel the same. 

If I fall, I'm not alone. If you fall , I'm not sure. I try not to think. But stop I can't. How alone you must be. When all I want to do is hug you, I can't. Smile I want to. Take all your pain away. How can I when reason for this pain I'm? Happy be I will. For your sake and mine. 

Ps. It is random. Try not to read too much into it. I'm ok and not hurt :). Its just a post!

The story of RED

This is the story of RED- Yes, colours have lives too. You see different colours fall in love and produce different other colours. Some pretty girls and some handsome boys- but all very very beautiful. 

So this particular RED fell in love with BLUE. What a handsome BLUE he was and RED was a pretty little thing too. Soon, they would be together and be a beautiful Purple or maybe sometimes Violet. Life would be a wonderful purple. Blue and Red were in love for quite sometime. But then harsh realities of life hit them. The thing is that Blue wasn't a pure Blue. He, in the past, had been with a Yellow and she had a left a part of her with him. Blue refused to part with that part of Yellow. Now Blue wasn't the calm and cool Blue that red knew but rather a slimy Green that she didn't like one bit. Green wasn't anything like Blue.  Red wondered why she didn't notice it before. How could she have not seen it? Blinded by love? Probably. What should she do now? Settle for a Brown life instead ? ( Red+Green = Brown)

She didn't like Brown at all. Actually it wasn't about Brown or Purple but the fact that Yellow still remained and was a part of the new colour was something Red didnt want. What should Red do?? 

Your Ex is alcohol

Well yes, your ex is like alcohol and getting over them is just like getting over the addiction. 


Keep away from there. Avoid all forms of alcohol. Avoid places where alcohol is served or people you know will drink. 

Which in effect means, avoid all places where the person would most likely be seen. Avoid it like plague. Avoid all their calls or keep it under 2mins. It is difficult but see it like a detoxification process. You need to get rid of all signs of them..All the gifts, the smses, the photos/videos in your phone.Take off the earrings,rings, pendants. Trust me its easier that you do it now. Easier on a LOT of people.

Step 2 -MOVE

Part A

Generally , here your tolerance levels are better and you are out in the world doing the stuff that you would normally do. You still avoid places where alcohol is served but you can be ok when people talk about their drunken escapades. It is a good idea here to make new friends-ones who don't know about you , just so that you know that life moves on...

Similarly, you get along your normal routine but without the feeling of being normal. There is a perennial feeling of sadness but you don't rebuke your self for feeling happy or for smiling. You don't want to kill your friend for getting a new bf, even though you feel a twinge of jealousy/sadness , you are truly happy for your friend. Same applies with making new friends, people who know nothing of the past and hence will not ask you about it except the irritating nosy ones (but who needs them anyway ) If you haven't deleted all the msgs/videos/photos, this stage will see a lot of reading through all of them..Ogling of the pictures.. 

Part B

Finally, you can now go to parties and say no to alcohol and then later want to kick yourself. This is where you'll most likely slip up. All the hard work will go waste provided you aren't strong.

As usual, the same rule applies for the relationship bit too. You can go to the same places that you and your ex used to hang out. One thing that is effective is making new memories in the same place but with different people.


This is the stage which is last and hopefully a new beginning. You can choose to have alcohol obviously in limited doses...It will help if you have, in the 2nd stage, analysed why you drink and factors led to the over intake and hence you can be even more alert in such situations.

Applying this to relationships, this stage generally makes you more comfortable with the memories. You realise that you were a part of a couple which doesn't exist anymore. But memories are always there. You are able to talk about the relationship without any hurt or remorse.  You are now ready to move on..Explore uncharted territories (Dramatic, no??)

(My fellow Psycho students will realise that these stages are named after Posner's theory but apart from that, there isnt anything that is based on any kind of research or theory or hard and fast rule. This is me just being crazy. Nothing in life is so black and white and having such defined stages. Life and emotions are fluid. And thats the best part about it. Feel every emotion to the core as I remember some ad having the line "Dard mein bhi kuch baat hai". 

Most important thing is for you to realise what is best for you and others around you. Sing like no1 is listening (this doesn't apply to Himesh Reshammiya), Dance like no1 is watching, Love like you have never been hurt, Live like there is no tmrw bcas there might not be! )

150 days...

We talked. We spoke. We shared. 
We saw. We met. We kissed.
I cried. You wiped. We parted
We fell in love.
We laughed. We shared. 
We became a part of each other.
Then came a shadow,
lurking from the past.
We fought. We argued.
Unlike the times,
we bickered.
We grew distant.
After 150 days,
we weren't we anymore.

Disclaimer : In the darkest moments of my pessimism, I came up with this. It, thankfully, doesn't apply anymore, but it came very close to being true. But as I have realised, I'm really getting pessimistic and with this poem I hope to have removed it from my system. I hope not to be pessimistic again so that atleast there isn't a self fulfilling prophecy. A big thanks to 2 special people- One who heard me rant in my pessimistic mode (even though I think he wanted to kick my ass) and one who let my pessimistic thoughts be just that -Random Silly Thoughts.

Then and now!

There was a time when

You couldn't wait

For the I to be we.

There was a time when

I thought that 2 roads

Met at a fork.

There is the time now when

When I wonder

What happened to us?

There is a time now when

All that is left at the fork

Is me waiting for you.

Once, while enumerating my "faults", one of friends said that my biggest flaw is that I expect too much of people. Frankly speaking, I didn't agree with him then (I know you have a smirk on your face now) But today, on my very very public blog , I want to tell him that he was right. I hate you being right, rather I hate me being wrong. But yeah, I expect too much of people and in the end, it hurts...

What will you do if I sang out of tune?

For once, my blog is going to be simple and sweet with no complications :)

Just a question I would like people to answer:

What would you do if the reason that you love someone didnt exist? 

(Please be honest. We all love some1 bcas of something or other. Maybe its their hair or the way they speak or their intelligence, but what if it didnt exist anymore)

Eg. If you liked me bcas of my intelligence and ability to talk on any topic and suddenly bcas of an accident my IQ dropped 40 points, will you still like me? Would you find something else you like in me? What if you hate the person I have become?

Long Distance?

Does a long distance relationship (LD) work? Don't care to ask me how this thought struck me, but it did on a lazy Tuesday afternoon..

I, for one, believe that every relationship and I truly mean every relationship has a chance , provided the 2 people in it are committed to make it work irrespective of any differences. I have seen the most unlikely couple sticking it out for decades and also the meant to be high school sweethearts who went ahead fixed a wedding date after dating for 7 years and visiting a premarital counselor i.e doing "everything" right calling off their wedding 2 months prior to the D-day.

And coming back to the topic and stopping all the silly rambling..Yes, I do believe that a LD can work. It had additional problems that a couple has to overcome. Not being to meet for long amounts of time, not being able to hug when you need it the most would seriously complicate matters..But there is one thing that conquers it all- Trust.

Trust that the person in front loves you. Trust that your SO (significant other) wants to be with you just as much. Trust that even though he is with his friends enjoying on a Saturday evening and you are stuck studying at home, he would give anything to be with you at that instant. :) [Wow,
Im a romantic] Oh yeah, Trust that he isnt taking his friend seriously when she says, " Its not going to work between you two." :x  (Inside joke, Sorry)

I think the main problem with a LD is that it cant be casual enough or serious enough. Well how can it be casual if you can't have dates etc etc. You need a level of commitment to be able to pull that off.  It can't be serious enough simply because when you don't have an idea how the person in real time. What if they wear purple pants and green shirts (Ok..I know its superficial but still...), maybe they have 17 piercings on their face(Yes, I have seen such people) And if you have met them online, there is an added risk that they arent what they say (58 year old grandfather of 4, perhaps??

But I think LDs are great when there is a level of commitment already in the relationship, when the 2 people in question have already been together for some time, they know each other, then there is no reason to call it off just because one of the two are moving away.

So, what are your thoughts on LDs? Have you been in one? Would you been in one? 

*Uff..Long post, I'm tired :P


As a child, I want to be special,
I wanted life to have something extra.
Maybe, I would grow up to realise
that I was a magician.
Maybe, when I would be 12, 
I would be told of my powers,
My true calling.
As I grew up,I realised,
It made more sense 
To live in this world, the real world.
But somewhere, deep in my heart,
I hoped, I wished.
To leave all this behind. 
And to go somewhere where 
I belonged.
This was temporary, not true.
Maybe Neverland.
Maybe someday, Peter Pan
Would appear and whisk me away.
I hoped.
As I grew, I came to terms.
I came to realise,
I would be special,
I'm special 
In at least some one's life.
Do you know why, then,
It hurts to know,
I'm no more than just one more.

Story part 2

Ok finally part 2 of the TRUE story (Part 1 is here)..Since, I know more from the girl's point of view..I'll write it her version of it..I would appreciate the guy giving me a few details too...That would make the story more complete and I will get a little gossip :P

So, there was no denying there was chemistry..Yeah no denying..Speaking till late at night. Really late till around 4 am when she had to be at work at 9.30..She would be sleepy all day at work but when night fell, her sleepiness disappeared because she knew he would be online. 

He was a person involved with his work. But suddenly, he longed to be home asap because someone was waiting for him. 

Then, she had to go away for 3 days with her family. To a place with no phone network. The first thought in her mind was :" I wont be able to talk to him for 3 whole days." This thought made her heart sink. But then, she also knew that this was an apt opportunity to know whether he liked her too. Would he miss her? Would he say that he had missed her? Would he say anything at all? These were the questions that kept plaguing her throughout the trip. That and the fact that she kept imagining how wonderful it would be seeing the sunset with him on the beach (That is where the family had gone to)

And then she came back..She came to a message from him and a simple scrap in her orkut profile. It simply said : "Missing :(" . And that cleared everything in her head. Well in a way, here was a person she had never met but known for 3 yrs. But known through the internet. Does that even count as knowing? He could be a psychokiller! Or worse! But what is worse than a psycho killer? But that was far away. She didnt even know whether he liked her back. The BIG question: "DOES HE EVEN LIKE ME?"

Twisted Poem- Dont let me forget

This is my twist to the poetry written by Charu 
As she says here,writers have phases and sadly, she is in a sad phase. I was in it when I started writing this blog. It used to be that I used to write only to vent out my feelings..Now, thanks to alot of changes, the same changes I was afraid of, the very same changes I was apprehensive of have turned things around for me. I don't feel sad anymore, not that much. I feel much more secure, loved. I'm hopeful and hopelessly in love with life! 

Don't let me forget the smile you bring to me,
As I've forgotten to smile without you now.
Don't let me forget all the fights I have had with you,
As I'm learning life isn't all about the smiles.
Don't let me forget all the fun we have together,
As it keeps me hopeful of the times to come.
Don't let me forget all the conversations we had,
As just the memory of your voice makes me smile.
Don't let me forget the way you hold my hand,
As it sends a shiver through my spine.
Don't let me forget the care you always shower on me,
As I never want it to change.
Don't let me forget the need I feel of opening my heart to you,
As I never want to have any walls from you.
Don't let me forget the comfort we have between us,
As I want that forever and ever.
Don't let me forget all the promises you made to me,
As I trust you keep each and every one of them.
Don't let me forget the blind trust i have in you,
As you are the only one I can.
Don't let me forget the close friend I have in you,
As its the basis of all we share.
Don't let me forget anything…..
As that is whats keep me going through this distance, this separation...


Suppose that your friend and you are at the beach. Your friend doesn't know how to swim and you do. You see that the sea is a little rough and decide that you shouldn't go into the water..Simply because your friend doesn't know how to swim but still your friend disagrees and goes in. Now, your friend is drowning (Touch wood)..What will you do? Start shouting at your friend for not listening to you? Start dancing on the I-told-you-so tune? Or try to save him?

I know it is probably a very stupid analogy. But then imagine that someone you truly care about didn't take your advice and is now repenting it. As a friend, will you make them feel worse by pointing out their mistake? Trust me, they already feel bad. When some1 comes to you with a problem, please fight the impulse of giving advice or pointing out the obvious.They already know it. Make them feel better. Spread a bit of cheer. Make them feel a little hopeful. You need hope in life and that is all there is to life- HOPE..

Btw, it is proven fact that depressed people are not cynics or pessimists rather there were realists(Yeah, I actually pay attention in my abnormal class ).Being realist is a good thing, I guess. But then when a person is down in the dumps, give them a hand to pull them out and don't show them the reason they are there...

Thoughts in my head...

If you know me, you will know that the thoughts in my head are processed at a speed faster than light...For a change, today, due to my ill health (I love the way this word sounds), I actually CAN think slowly..So here goes..

I HAVE to start studying
I should find some1 to give away my computer
I love you, Hobbesee...
I'm 2o....
Counselling book is front of me..Maybe I can switch of the laptop and start reading/studying..
Naa..Too sick/tired
I wish Hobbesee was here :(
I'm 20. I should be more responsible...
Maybe I should just clean my room...Its so messy...
Too lazy to get up
I'm 20..I should grow up and do things on my own
Ahhh Im tired...
Tmrw is Daddy's bday!
I want to talk to Hobbesseee...
No..I should behave more mature..I'm 20...
Farhan Akhtar in Rock On reminds me of Aashu! Hmmmm.... Aashu..Be nicer to your wife!
Sooooo..My bday is over ...Boooohhoooo...But my friends made it so special..MWAH!
Why do they have to play the drums sooooo loud???
Maybe I should really pick up my book and start studying for a while......

To all the virgos in my life!

Its that time of the year when there are birthdays all over!! I will wish them in the order that they came into this world (To prevent any biases)

Ajja- 2nd Sep

He is my Grandpa...The sweetest and the cutest.. He is brilliant at math. Trust me! I have learnt all/most of my math from him and my concepts are unshakable...Any mistakes I make I swear its all thanks to my stupidity...

So people raise your toast to MY GRANDFATHER!!! Happy Birthday, Ajju!!

Amma - 28th Aug

Oh what can I say to the epitome of patience, hardwork! Ahhh...Perfection personified.. If you have met her you would know what she is capable of doing..If you know me..My personality. She is the same 5 times worse :)
She is the best cook! Trust me on that! When asked to guess her age.. People always guess her to be 10 years younger than she actually is..Not because she looks young but because of the amount of work she does..Have me in the house is not an easy task people!!!

And Happy Birthday (Belated) to Marj and Ninitha who were also born on the same day as my grandmother. Women, I expect great things from you!!!

Dad-- 5th Sep

Hmmmm... I dont know when Baba became Dad and when asking you permission turned to became just telling you. But I do know that deep inside I will always be my daddy's little girl! He has taught me to be strong and independent.. But when I cant handle a problem, Im sure he will be the one I run to and I know Daddy will make everything ok. :)

Happy Birthday Dad!

Puru- 1st Sep

Well this day is doubly special :) What can I say about the guy born on this day? Rebel to the core... He is the only person I know who gives compliments that seem like insults! He is what the concept of Kalyan Mitr is all about. The one who isnt afraid to tell you the truth just because its bitter! Sheesh I could go on and on talking about you... After all you are on such a special day ;)

Heres wishing you MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!! Even though you are miles away , I hope our weird, stupid friendship doesnt change! :)

MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS to all people and Hope you get all the love, happiness and success you deserve

Glimpses of the past

Today , I saw a glimpse of my past. Rather I heard it whisper. Like a sunbeam through the window, it brightened my day. It reminded me of the days gone by. When everything was beautiful and nothing seemed to be the problem. We sure did have problems back then. But now, when I look back, everything seems to be ok. This gives me the courage to carry on. Maybe it isnt that bad. Maybe when I look back tomorrow, it will all be OK.

This is to you NE... Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life. You will always be one of my closest friends. Talking to you makes me feel like everything is just a passing phase and I can really make it happen. Thanks in believing in me and thanks for being there ALWAYS :)

And even if I cant be there on this day.....


Since some asked me for an explanations to my previous poem. Even though I like to keep it free for interpretation, I decided maybe I can write a background for this 1.
The night that I wrote this, I was feeling rather hopeless and full of despair.Nothing was going as I wanted. I, personally, believe that hope makes the world go round and life can flip 180, if you just have the hope. But in that moment, I just wrote down what I felt and this is what came out of it. I haven't read it again because I might change the ending to a happier one, since Im myself again. But for the first time, I realise what despair must really feel like :)

Breathing. Walking.Talking.Laughing.
Numb. Can feel nothing. Living Zombie.
Each breath is a new breath.
No yesterday no tomorrow.
No past no future.
No hope.
Live each day as it comes.
That’s what I’m doing.
But then why does it feel so numb?
Bleed I do but no pain.
Cuts so deep that they go through.
But no pain.
Human, I’m no more.
Breathing. Walking.Talking.Laughing.
Numb. Can feel nothing. Living Zombie
People talk all around. I do hear.
But understand nothing.
Just words. No meaning.
Like life.
Just events. One after the day.

Its getting tough

They told me it would tough. I said I was tough too.
You warned me it wont be easy. I replied you dont know me yet.
It's getting tough. I can feel the heat.
I can feel the emotions inside me swell.
I tell myself I can go on. But I dont want to. I have to.
There is so much at stake.I cant go back now.
I'm a different person than what I was.
I pretended to be strong. I pretended to be something I'm not.
People have done this before. I tell myself.
But its tough. Really tough.
I want it all.The whole deal.
This is just an amuse bouche.
It sucks.
This is what I signed up for, but this isnt what I want.
Kinda like not liking what you order at a restaurant.
Take it with a pinch of salt.
"Hell, this aint food.This is life. Your's and someone's too.
This aint a joke. Weren't you forewarned?
Didn't you know it wasn't going to be normal?"
Give up.Give in.COWARD.
This aint me. I have to make this work.
Be more secure.Be less me.
Cry less. Think less. Trust more.
I wanted this. I want this.
Life isnt a bed of roses. You get the thorns too.
It not going to be like this for long.
I dont want this. I need this.
I dont deserve this.
Give up. Give in.
Wait and watch.
Make it work.
Accept yourself, accept it the way it is.
Accept life!

Another story....

Part 2 of the story is now here

They always knew that theirs was a special friendship. Weird, some would call it. Undefinable. Lovely.

He always called her a wild cat. And yes, she was. Free-spirited. Carefree, yet confused and meek. High walls all around with no door to enter. Everyone thought she was an open book . Everyone except him.

He was independent and mature. Soft-spoken yet radical. A store of(useless , as she called it) knowledge. An introvert at the core.

Together they were everything you wouldn't expect an ideal couple to be. They would argue and bicker. They would talk about politics and fight because they had radically different views. They shared their birthdays.

Theirs wasnt a story from the movies. They weren't Harry and Sally(When Harry met Sally) or Joe and Kathleen (You got mail).They didn't click at once, as a good romantic book would have you believe. They met and were friends for a long time. They were friends when both of them were "involved" with other people. Life has weird ways of getting things done.

It was 3 years since they had met online. Then they got lost in the webs of time. Suddenly, 1 month ago, he saw her online and for reasons he still cant explain, he decided to "ping" her. She replied in her vibrant self. They spoke. They caught up on what they had missed in the past years. He had been single for some time now and she has just gathered herself after a long serious relationship. But at that precise moment, it didn't matter. They started talking everyday. Everyday for long hours.They would stay up till 4 AM chatting. They would email each other when he was at work and the messenger was blocked.

They realised it was going somewhere. But where?

(This is the true life story of people I know ;) If you know who Im talking about..SHUT UP :)...So Im hoping this story will have continued parts unlike my other stories...So people involved please take the story ahead...Selfish, aint I?)

An Ode

This is my first ever poem. I wrote this after I saw an interview of a girl who had lost everything in the Tsunami... Found this after a long time so I decided to post it..(as it is it was high time I posted something..If not new , then old)

Standing in the garden,
she whispers to a bee,
"O Bee, how can you be so free?"
"From flower to flower you dive,
But at dusk,
Return you do to your home , to your hive."

Standing in the garden,
she whispers to a sunflower,
"O Flower, how can you be so free?"
"From morn to twi, you follow the sun around,
But at dusk,
Return you do to your home, to your ground. "

Standing in the garden,
she whispers to a bird,
"O Bird, how can you be so free?"
"Gathering worms as a quest,
But at dusk,
Return you do to your home, to your nest. "

Standing in the garden,
she whispers to herself,
"O Thy, why can't I be so free?"
"Day by day grows this urge to know,
But at dusk,
Where is the place I have to go? "

"No home to return to,
No one to turn to."

The story of Us-1

I heard the car. I got up. I went into the kitchen I got the vessels from the fridge. I put on the microwave. I put the things in to heat. I heard the key being turned in the door. I removed the food from the microwave. I got the dishes out.

He came in. He went to the bathroom. He washed up. He came into the kitchen. He sat down at the table. He picked up the plate. He served himself.

I picked up the second plate. I served myself.

We ate.

He sneezed.

I said, “Bless you!”

He said, “Thanks.”

That’s most we had spoken in days. We have been married for 2 years now. We had known each other just 1 year and dated for 6 months before we decided to tie the knot. I wish I could name a specific day or time when we had stopped talking. For all I know, it just happened.

It wasn’t always like this. And it wasn’t his fault and neither was it mine. I sometimes wish I could blame it on someone or something, but I knew it wouldn’t be true. Damn Me! Sometimes, I wish I knew why it happened. Sometimes I thought that all I could was wish. It had been days, weeks, actually months since we had a decent conversation. When we did speak, we would talk and suddenly go quiet. Till one of us would go off to sleep or rather pretend to sleep.

It wasn’t always like this. When we used to date (those were the days) we would talk really speak, talk or whatever the hell it is called. We would call and speak hours on end. Ohh, the way our parents reacted when they saw our bills. We used to be in college back then and still dependent on them to pay the bills. Then, when we graduated and got a job, we immediately decided to get married. It was the most logical thing to do. My parents liked him, his parents liked me. It was a match made in heaven.

Now, divine intervention is all that can save us, it seems. Divine intervention. It's funny because both of us are atheists in a way. That’s what brought us together. The pressures of life, work, everything seems to make us drift apart. There I found something to blame. When you are just starting your career, it is but expected this it is your priority number "one". But do people ignore other aspects in their lives? When you come home tired after a long day of work, do you just ignore the other person living under the same roof? Isn’t marriage all about companionship? About sharing and caring? Isn’t it all telling the other person the problems and difficulties? Even though you feel like the person in front may not fully comprehend. What you share is not important but the fact that you do.

Maybe he doesn’t realize how important this is to me. Maybe he hasn’t realized that this isn’t a healthy relationship. Maybe he just doesn’t care. No! That can't be true. He does care. He used to care... He couldn’t have changed so soon. Could he?


What makes you unique? Is it your talents? The things you can do? Well no. Because someone somewhere can do it better than you.

Then is it your success that gives you your unique flavour? NO. Because someone somewhere achieved something much greater at a much younger age.

Then, what is it that makes you, YOU? The special person called YOU.

It is the entire package. Your talents, your successes, your faults, your failures ...EVERYTHING.

Then why is it that we are afraid to embrace our faults? Aren't they a part of us?

I remember this one line in the movie "13 going on 30" , when the actress asks her mother , if there was anything in her life that she wishes she could undo, her mother said no. "Each mistake has made me who I'm today. If I didn't make those mistakes I wouldn't be here."

So true. Never do anything you will regret and never regret what you did.


Change is inevitable... That sucks..Truly does.

I hate change. I like my life to be the way it is. Any change has to announce itself days in advance so that I can mentally prepare of it. Or change has to happen slowly so that I can get used to it SLOWLY...

When change "happens" , there are these innumerable subtle changes that accompany.Things that you never thought you would miss..Things that are taken for granted. Things that seem like a distant dream NOW.

But then change is inevitable. All you can do is accept it and move on. Or crib.

Well, I choose to accept it and everything else that comes with it.


The cool weather and fond memories...This is what I encountered when I went for a walk today evening. The road I walked was a familiar one, the one I frequented once a upon a time during school. As I walked, the music blared on my Ipod and memories came flooding back.

I just kept imagining that I would see you. I would meet you as you very often would. I would see your smiling face. I still remember when I was at 6AM during the vacations keeping my resolve of everyday morning walks and the surprise on my face when I saw you. What would I give to see you , your smile, your face once again!

Your memories seemed to be the flavour of the day. I saw a bike just like yours. The same bike that you promised to take me out for a spin. You still have to keep the promise. Maybe one day you will.

Loads has changed since you left us. My dreams, my life, me. But you will always remain in my prayers. I will always think of you on your birthday (July 30th , yes I haven't forgotten). I will always think of you when I walk in our garden. I just hope that you are happy wherever you are. May your soul rest in peace, dear friend.

Yet Another List

I love lists as it is reflected through my blog :P. Here comes one more...(Just had to get out of the no-blog-this-month phase)
Basically this is a list of things I want to do in the near, immediate or distant future. Thus, it means I want to do sometime before I die. Earlier the better. :)

  • Write a book.
  • Go skydiving (since I am scared of heights, this will be fun)
  • Learn to cook!!!!!
  • Get married in a budget of 20k.
  • Adopt a child and take care of as many kids' education as possible.
  • Encourage friends and family to do the same.
  • Go do a karaoke. (More scary than skydiving)
  • Write a song.
  • Grow my hair :P
  • Blog more often!!!!
  • Live in a studio apartment
  • Buy an easel and paint
  • Travel to a new place at least once a year
  • Read atleast 1 book per month (Really have to revive this habit of mine )

I tried to keep it limited to 10 but again I went overboard. But then again, I have most of my goals down here to remind me each day so keep me on track .... :)

Airtel ad

I dont know why I love this ad...Its just so cute...If it doesnt show here...You can look at it here...

I believe

  • I believe that people keep promises or at least try their best to.
  • I believe that peace is not something you wish for,it's something you make, something you do, something you are,and something you give away.
  • I believe that in the end we only regret:the chances we didn't take,the relationships we were afraid to have,and the decisions we took too long to make.
  • I believe that when someone says, (Don't read this aloud) "Fairies don't exist." , a fairy dies.
  • I believe that writing a poem is like seeing shapes in a cloud;the person next you hardly ever knows what the hell you're talking about
  • I believe that everyone has a certain part of their life where they truly wish they could freeze time. And try to grasp what could have been
  • I believe that best friends are best friends because no matter how long it's been since you've talked to them,when you see them again,you can start right where you left off.
  • I believe that people are like crayons it's not the color they are.Its the pictures they make.
  • I believe that all is well that ends well.
  • I believe that rainy days are entirely necessary and not simply to provide water
  • I believe in love. It is however, not a fairy tale or ever perfect...and will not always have a happy ending, TRUE love between two people meant to find each other does exist
  • I believe in manners and chivalry.
  • I believe in Patriotism and our country.
  • I believe in letting at least one person in your life, know you inside out.
  • I believe in learning something new each and every day of our lives
  • I believe in treat others as you want to be treated.
  • I believe we are made up of what we believe and what we stand for in life.

These things I like to believe in. Maybe, believing in them makes me seem less mature than most but then again I believe in living life like a child. Innocent and sweet...

This post is due to loads of help from Meg (My source of most of gtalk status msgs) and Katherine Parks.


  • I believe that life is fair and you deserve to be here and YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.

The "love" saga continues

This is the part 2 of the post A love story . So people who wanted to comment and could not....You can do that now... *hint hint, Mr Preetam*

Its been 6 months now that we have separated. Why the hell cant I say divorced? Yes, HE and I have been divorced for 6 months now. The only way to get over all this pain was to work and work I did. Thats all I did for 6 months. I quit everything. My life , my friends , everything. My friends did call me the first 2 months, but then when I stopped calling them or making lame excuses to avoid them , they stopped. I didnt blame them!

Then one day, it was the children parents day. And I decided to go. They were after all MY kids.I saw him and I saw her. And then I saw them. My children were ecstatic to see me and meet me.He wasnt. He was infact furious. He came to me and asked me never to come there again. I didnt expect him to behave like this in front of MY KIDS.

But then, I guess it happened for the good. It was like I was woken up from a deep slumber. I saw that he had moved on. I neednt to get my life together first. Get all the pieces back again. Make my life MY life. As I drove home that night,I decided to make some serious changes to my life. I decided to meet up all my lost friends. Reconnect to all of them. Enjoy life and live in the moment.

I slept soundly that night like I hadnt in 6 months. I slept comfortably with myself. I got up early the next morning. Fresh and full of hope. I sat there at the kitchen table and made myself a cute little list. I love lists :) Yeah I drew a smiley on that too. Life was full of sunshine...

I got my phone number. I dialed the number of a friend..TRING TRING ... That went on.....On and on!! Well it was the weekend..Maybe they were asleep! So, I tried another friend.. and another..But the phone would just ring!

Well if you knew me, you would know I think and analyse a LOT! And so I set thinking. Just generally but then I decided to stop and get going. I realised I was out of orange juice and many other things at home. I thought I should go to the mall . Dressed I did and went. I shopped and felt really nice. Retail therapy , you see!!! As I was walking to the parking lot, I suddenly saw HER and for a change not with him but with MY friends.

I was surprised but then I didnt want them to see me... As I spent the entire day thinking, I realised that they werent truly my friends. They were either his colleagues or the wives of his friends. I had let my life revolve around a single person. I had let his choices become my choices. The more I thought , the more I realised how much I had given up. I had lost myself. When I divorced my husband, I hadnt only lost my family, I lost myself, my so-called friends , I had lost my life.

I know what you are thinking. If they ditched you in your darkest time, they werent your friends. I knew that. But the problem wasnt just that. The thing was I felt lonely. A thing I had never felt before. It was like I didnt know who I was! I was angry at fate for letting this happen, I was angry at her for just existing and most of all I was angry at myself for loving HIM , for letting him become just an important part of my life!! I was just angry!!

My sensible side said to me that there were probably people there who still cared for me. I didnt know who to hate and who not to. I didnt want to "not like" the wrong people. I didnt want to like the right people. I just didnt know what to do..Who to trust ? Who to confide in? Who to believe in?


Disclaimer : Dont expect to understand it!!! :)

Far away , yet so near

Unknown , yet so dear

How do I say how I feel?

How do I let you know?

Dont light hope

if you mean to leave

Will you be here for

3 days, 3 months or 3 years?

Forever is what I what, baby

Is forever what you can give?

Show me that happy endings are not just in books,

Show me the true meaning of true love,

See what you mean to me,

See how much I love you,

Stop thinking , start feeling

Listen to what your heart says,

Does it yearn for me?

Just like mine does for you!

Do you want to be mine?

Just like I want to be yours!

Are you afraid of the world?

Are you scared of what I'll say?

Let the world be, baby,

All I need is you!

Just say it to me,baby,

I want to be all yours!

Just yours, forever and ever

Do you want that too??


As I stepped into the new environment,I felt a twang of nervousness I had long forgotten. It was ages since I had been in an alien environment and I wasnt prepared for it. I had hoped (against hope) that I wouldn't have to face this day.

As I stepped into the new environment, the events of the past few years came in front of my eyes. I remembered walking into a similar yet so different campus. I remembered all the amazing friends I made there. I remembered all the weird jokes made. All the lectures bunked while just playing truth or dare..Even though everyone knew everything about the other person. I remembered the way he would pull me back while he was playing "pseudo" poker with his friends just because he believed he lost every time I went away. I remembered all the times we had spent in the "library".

All those moments, precious moments flashed in front of my eyes. I thought of all those things I had taken for granted. The numerous economics lectures when I did nothing but talk to my friends about everything in the world. How the professor would complain about all the "talking members" and we would giggle. I remembered all the crazy and not so crazy times we have had. I thought of all the times when leaving for home from college would take 45 mins because I would keep meeting people in the short distance.

Zap! I came back to reality! Those days were over. I was about to venture into a new world which was unknown yet maybe a wonderful world. The unknown is always not the worse. Most of the time, we are so afraid of giving up what we have (just for the sake of security) that we are unable to see that what we may get in return maybe far more than what we have. Its so important to take some risks at times. And even you fail in this endeavour , you know that those who are true to you will always be there for you!! So let the risk act as a sieve , so that you know who your true friends are!!! :)


" If A is success in life, then A=x+y+z. where x is work, y is play and z is keeping our mouth shut!, " read the status message of my my friend Preetam ( see I mentioned you on my blog!!!!)

X is present in my life most of the time...I'm not a complete lukkha as some people think

Y too is present

Z is completely ABSENT!!!!!

There are times innumerable where I wish I would keep quiet..I mean it..If you knew me you would know that I cant keep my mouth shut...

When I went to Blore for a trip for 4 days , I came back with no voice! Seriously thats how much I spoke..People were tired of my voice, my sound. This seriously has its consequences. People, random people, know so much about me and I feel so "exposed"... There is no exclusivity.

Sam Rayburn: No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

Maybe thats true. I always liked people who were silent because they kept me guessing about what they were thinking or feeling. Somehow I valued their opinions more because they werent openly expressed. Liked something precious. Do others also do that? Dont they say, " Silence is golden"? Arent those your best friends to whom you didnt have to say a single word and yet they understood?

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Theresa

Is it really true? Am I giving too much out ? Well maybe its time for a change!!

I love you

There you said it, albeit in jest but my heart did skip a beat. There you said it maybe just because it was April 1st but I felt maybe you meant it. Did you? Yeah I started thinking. There was conviction in what you said; maybe I just heard what I was dying to hear. But maybe just maybe you meant it when you said, “I love you.”

I know it has been really a short time we know each other but then it feels so special so nice so beautiful. I feel so comfortable around you like you get me. You understand me. Sometimes, I feel like you care the same way about me like I do about you. There is so much to say but no way how. I know no way. I have been hurt before and know you have been too. We joke about it. But we both know it how it feels to be hurt. That’s why I wonder if you are afraid it’s going to happen again. I wonder if love you are afraid to say so.

I wonder and wondering is all I do. I think too much, you say, now I agree. But in my defense, you think about me too. You have no idea what effect it has on me when you say you thought about me or that you dreamt about me. After those words, there is no need for anything else to be said. Irrespective of what goes wrong, those words always ring in my ears.

When I see your name flashing on my phone, I take no time in leaving everything I am doing to talk to you. Irrespective of what Im doing, your voice takes over me completely, making me forget the world I’m in. I hate that we can’t meet often. I hate that you have complete control over me.

I’m scared that when I say I love you, all you’ll say is Thank You !!!

Again fact or ficition???Im liking writing all this...Its FUN!!! But again from the heart as always :D

A love story

There I was being convinced by a friend to come to a party.I didnt know anybody there but seemed like it was going to be fun.I agreed.Dolled up and heart pounding, I entered, people seemed nice, the music was nice too.My heart started coming back to normal when all of a sudden it missed a beat. I saw HIM.It was really HIM.I saw him and I just knew it was meant to be.HE just seemed so perfect , so amazingly perfect for ME. My friend introduced US. HE smiled.That angelic smile with a glint in his eyes.WE spoke and that was it.

He called me the next day.I had no idea he had my number.We went away that weekend and spent 2 days together.It was beautiful. People would say I was stupid to go away with a person I barely knew.But I knew him. I trusted him. I loved him. Oh My God.I loved him. But it felt nice.It was a match made in Heaven. I continued to meet him everyday. We fought. We laughed.We cried. We were US. He was everything I wanted and more.I tailor made all my future plans according to him.He didn't ask me to.I just did. He made me smile. He made me laugh.He gave me everything I could ask for , sometimes before me asking. He gave me friends too. Amazing ones.

I cant even describe how much I have changed since I met him. I have really changed. It was perfect. And now that I think of it : TOO PERFECT TO BE TRUE. Why? Because he changed or maybe he didnt. But he didnt want me anymore. He didnt want the strong person that I was . He wanted those bimbos. He didnt want the constructive criticism I used to give.He wanted a girl who would laugh and cry on cue. He didnt want someone who would stand upto him. He wanted someone who would agree to everything he said. He didnt want someone who would speak their mind. He wanted someone who couldnt/wouldnt think.He didnt want ME . He wanted HER.

HER who was my friend. I introduced them. I let them hang together. We all took a trip together. It was in that trip that I began to realise. But I chose to ignore. Which couples dont have their not-so-good moments? But then once when He chose her over everyone else present I realised it was not just a moment between US , it was a moment between THEM. There SHE was gloating in front of the world about how he had chosen HER and I slipped to the curtains, distancing myself to hide my tears.Why did he see her tears? Why couldnt he see mine? I was there longer. I cared more. I loved HIM more.We came back and I tried my best to get things back to normal but it didnt.I tried and tried but it didnt.

Today : I have finally let go. I gave back all the things I had that belonged to HIM.EVERYTHING!!! I came to know yesterday that HE has finally moved in with HER.THEY are starting a new life together. I'm happy for THEM. But in the end , its MY kids that will suffer!!!

Ps : It may or may not be fictional .It may or may not be about you. :D But its from MY heart!!There are very few people who are going to understand the story the way I meant it to be! Otherwise enjoy it just as a story !!!

Mothering ???

I saw Juno a couple of weeks back and what struck me most about the movie was the ending.For those who havent watched it yet.Juno is a a movie about a 16 yr old girl getting pregnant and how she decides to give it up to adoption to this childless couple Mark and Vanessa.

In the ending, they show that Mark feels like he isnt ready for a baby and decides to divorce Vanessa to fulfil his dreams of being a "rockstar"(I think)...Anyway, now Vanessa is all ready to have a child but with no husband will Juno give it to her? Wouldnt want to give a "normal" family to the kid and then they show that Juno writes a note to Vanessa saying 'Im still in if you are in'...And then the baby boy is actually given to her.And why not?

Some people are just born to be parents.They just have it in them.They instinctively know what to do and how to behave with kids.Its so cute when they are with kids.They love kids and kids love them.Its a match made in heaven.They say parenting is one of the toughest things one has to do in their lifetime but to these people it just comes naturally!
The image “” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

Maybe you have some friends like this.You keep asking if you have cold just cause you sneezed :) They can generally instictively tell if you are under the weather even all they have heard is you say hello on the phone. They will shout at you for being online too long and not getting enough sleep even though they themselves are online till wee hours of the night.They remember weird details of your life like something you told them as a passing comment..Something like your dogs birthday :D

Can you see the look in the woman's eye(In the picture)? Its so nice, so warm, so caring !!!! :)

But there are also people who behave less mature than their actual ages...Like small kids ..Dumbwits..And most often these are girls.They get on your nerves and then have this coy Im so innocent look on their face which is so IRRITATING.I cant stand them.

I think its better to be more mature than your age than you be less mature. What say???